Not long ago, I was talking with one of my oldest friends, Blaise Kearsley about a storytelling series she founded and hosts regularly in NYC called “How I Learned” (HowILearnedSeries.com). After nearly five years she has produced dozens of shows celebrating all the important human dilemmas, traumas, predicaments, etc. that precede and aid an “education”. For example, some of the series’ events have been titled “How I Learned My Adolecence Was Over" or "How I Learned To Inhale: Stories About Drugs" or, one of my favorites, "How I Learned I Was Right All Along".
While the objective may be for storytellers to thoughtfully and intelligently articulate a wide range of human experience that gives rise to a personal epiphany (or sometimes just a rude wake-up call) the result is almost invariably hilarious. This probably has something to do with the fact that the most enlightening moments in life are often a direct result of our own arrogance, anger, lust, (insert deadly sin of choice here) which, as we all know, inevitably leads to humiliation. And really, is there anything funnier than humiliation? No, there is not... especially when said humiliation is not our own. (But really even when it is.)
All of which leads us to the project below. I asked Blaise if she had ever, in all these years, produced a show called “How I Learned To Be Funny”? I was surprised by her reply.
Well you certainly should, I said.
I said, why don’t you go try to be funny and then write about it? Better yet, why don’t you go tell people funny jokes in the park and I'll photograph it?
Which is exactly what we did one cloudy but warm afternoon this fall.
Here is JOKES IN THE PARK. Some of the jokes are undeniably funny. Some might not be to your taste. Others, you might find quite distasteful… offensive even. We apologize ahead of time and absolve ourselves of any wrongdoing with the knowledge that sometimes, in life, it really is just a joke.
M. Sharkey
Ft. Greene Park, Brooklyn
2014
Shadeen
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A Lickalotopus.
Cat
What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber.
Andy
How do you get a tissue to dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Andy
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
Her navel.
Susan & Kat
What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!
Kale & Zazel (brother and sister)
How did Hitler tie his shoes?
In little Nazis!
In little Nazis!
Kale & Zazel
What do a plum and an elephant have in common?
They're both purple!
They're both purple!
Except for the elephant. :(
Arthur
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother!
Ask your mother!
Windsor & Axuan
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Mega-saur-ass.
Mega-saur-ass.
Axuan
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Guston
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says, "Really? You have a drink named Steve?"
The grasshopper says, "Really? You have a drink named Steve?"
Guston
What does one lawyer say to the other lawyer?
Hey! We're both lawyers!
Hey! We're both lawyers!
Guston
What did one condom say to the other condom
Let's get shit-faced!
Let's get shit-faced!
Marisa
Why did God give men penises?
So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Salinger
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese!
Nacho cheese!
Left to right: Windy, Winston, Bedford, Bodhi
What does one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing. They're both stuck up cunts.
Nothing. They're both stuck up cunts.
Krista & Chris (roommates)
How can you tell if your roommate is gay?
His cock tastes like shit.
Krista & Chris
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?
A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
Jee
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal says to the other cannibal
"Does this taste funny to you?"
Left to right: Bosceaux, Bodhi, Genesis, Evonna
What did one snowman say to the other?
"Do you smell carrots?"
"Do you smell carrots?"
Left to right: Bosceaux, Bodhi, Genesis, Evonna
What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
"Good morning ladies!"
"Good morning ladies!"
Ben and his dog, Parsley
Where do you find a one legged dog?
Right where you left him!
Brothers Nathaniel & Jonas with friend Basil
Do you know where otters come from?
Otter-space!
Otter-space!
Brothers Nathaniel & Jonas with friend Basil
What did one stawberry say to the other strawberry?
"If you weren't so fresh we wouldn't be in this jam right now."
"If you weren't so fresh we wouldn't be in this jam right now."
Brothers Nathaniel & Jonas with friend Basil
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
A stick.
Brothers Nathaniel and Jonas with friend Basil
What kind of bees produce milk?
Boobies.
Boobies.
Brothers Nathaniel & Jonas with friend Basil
When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
After he eats his first Brownie.
After he eats his first Brownie.
Left to right: Phoenix, Tom, Samson and Damiana
What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
Left to right: Samson, Damiana, Phoenix and Tom
How did Alfred Hitchcock hold up his pants?
Suspensters!
Suspensters!
Phoenix
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but bubble wrap...
Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts."
Tay & Dana
What do you call a black guy who flies airplanes?
A pilot, you racists.
A pilot, you racists.
Tay & Dana
What is the leading cause of death in lesbians?
Hairballs.
Hairballs.
Tay & Dana
How do you know when your sister's on the rag?
When your dad's dick tastes funny.
Tay & Dana
Two dyslexic guys walk into a bra...
Tay & Dana
Have you heard about the new gay sitcom?
It's called "Leave It, It's Beaver."
It's called "Leave It, It's Beaver."
Tay & Dana
What's the worst thing Willie Nelson could possibly say while giving him a blow job?
"I'm not Willie Nelson"